tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84374707903558451412024-02-06T19:02:37.749-08:00Eat Cake, HomiesMissihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-20704549296567561022013-07-21T20:08:00.000-07:002013-07-21T20:08:01.601-07:00I miss my brotherSometimes it just really punches me in the gut - the missing. The re-remembering that he's gone and that he won't be coming back next week, next month, ten years from now. That I can't take a picture of his kids opening birthday presents and save them until he gets back. <br />
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It's the same old story: I don't know how to express this. Close family are all focused on the remembering, and it feels wrong for me to bring up grief again, and risk ruining someone else's day. Friends have definitely been supportive, but I imagine that nobody really wants to spend a long time with this... there's nothing to be done, after all.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-5349777047349650082013-02-26T21:17:00.001-08:002013-02-26T21:17:59.799-08:00Week 9How should I begin? I'm writing this post because I'm <i>really</i> supposed to be doing my homework, but I was told today that I don't have to keep my 3.8 GPA in the graduate program, so I'm letting this slide a little.<div>
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Last week Mike and I saw the second midwife at the clinic (of three), and she was AMAZING. She was so comforting and enthusiastic, and put my mind to ease about accidentally eating feta the previous week. She did an ultrasound to check on the fetal development and we saw a heartbeat! It mostly looked like a flickering area in the midst of a grey area, but it was so wonderful. I thought I would cry - MIKE thought I would cry - but I didn't, really. Too many nerves about the wand-up-the-hoo-ha experience. I left feeling much more at ease than I've felt in several weeks, and we celebrated afterward over breakfast (fried chicken and pancakes).</div>
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It was so good to have confirmation that there really was something - some<i>one</i> - alive in there. It sounds silly to say, but every time we had told someone about the pregnancy prior to this, I'd get a feeling of dread and wouldn't really want to smile anymore. Especially after all of the stuff with my brother disappearing around Christmas I'm so tired of being the center of attention around negative events. It's exhausting.</div>
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Other stuff has gone down that has more than made up for the stress, though. My parents are going through some major relationship shit, and I'm so scared and sad about that. One close friend has been in the hospital with her son who is undergoing an operation for a cold that morphed into a (very rare) brain infection. Another close friend who became pregnant at the same time as me miscarried over the weekend.</div>
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I feel so overwhelmed by all of these things, and that I need to take care of so many important people. I know that I don't really "need" to take care of them, but that's what meaningful relationships are for! Being present when shit goes down. I feel so guilty about my friend's miscarriage. It had been so special to have someone who was going through the same physical and hormonal changes as me, and to imagine our kids playing together, etc. Now every time I think of what's growing inside of me I think of what is no longer inside of her. I'm worried. There are too many feelings to really put into words right now, other than that I'm worried.</div>
Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-37248872682853504252013-02-09T12:06:00.002-08:002013-02-09T12:06:45.264-08:00Time for ThankfulIt's been a tough week. Mike and I are trying to sort out so much for the arrival of Poppy Seed, and we're both tired, sad, and stressed. I get so tired during the day, but by the time I'm getting into bed the worries start to smother and I can only sleep four or five hours. It's put both of us on edge, and I sobbed through the night on Thursday.<br />
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We tried to go out for a date on Friday, but between my sensitive stomach and our new budget it wasn't so awesome. I was sad, Mike was sad. We couldn't pull off the small talk at first, but as dinner went on we were able to talk about some of our worries and hold hands and offer support.<br />
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I'm tired of being sad and stressed and overwhelmed. Fighting my anxiety with blogs showcasing other people's happy families isn't enough. This weekend I'm focusing on being content. There are flowers on the table, the floors are getting cleaned, and we'll be writing our blessings down as a reminder of what we have. I'm finding a counselor, because Mike shouldn't be responsible for my stress, and friends just keep saying, "none of this will even matter in 8 months" (which is true, I'm told, but doesn't do a damn lick of good right now). Things are getting better.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-44405297235171416312013-01-29T12:36:00.001-08:002013-01-29T12:36:08.660-08:00On Growing a HumanOver the weekend I had coffee with a friend and discovered that she was also pregnant, and in fact, due the same time as I am. As she was telling me about her mood swings and achy body I thought, "Man, I have nothing like this going on. Maybe I'm not really pregnant!"<br />
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If I was in doubt then, I'm not at all doubting now. My breasts hurt <i>all the time</i>, I'm exhausted and unmotivated, I almost passed out in the shower yesterday morning, and all night my ribs ached as though I'd been in a fight with Jet Li. How do people do this? How does that reality TV lady with 20 kids do this?? From what I've read on the internet I can only expect more discomfort, followed by a marathon session of extreme pain, followed by about a year of sleepless and sexless nights with a newborn.<br />
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Call me uninspired, but I don't know how our species has lasted so long.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-66108113377652004332013-01-27T19:26:00.003-08:002013-01-27T19:26:37.954-08:00These first few daysIt's been a little over a week since my home pregnancy test (in Michigan!) read positive. The week has gone by so slowly - well, not slowly so much, as hyper consciously. There has been no floating by in any situation. I'm aware of my body, my feelings, the future that might be in most moments. Without a schedule in Michigan this was even more pronounced. The flight home, too, as I worried about being sick on our three flights, and Mike found me priority boarding passes, and I told every stranger that I sat next to that I'd try not to be sick on them (they loved me, they really did). <br />
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I met with a friend over the weekend and discovered that she is also pregnant, and that we conceived on <i>the same day</i>. It's strange to compare our differing emotional states - she is elated while I'm anxious. After telling her I felt sad, which seems so contrary, but I have to keep reminding myself that there are a lot of crazy hormones taking over right now.<br />
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The rain, especially, is really wearing me down. And since we've turned the thermostat WAY down to try and save money I'm always cold, which isn't helping. All I want to do is sleep, take baths, and watch TV. Unfortunately, I have to find time to fit in full-time work, homework for two increasingly demanding classes, and something akin to maintaining my essential friendships. This all sounds so sad! What a downer.<br />
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Happy things? The kitten has been extra cuddly today. I got a 16-ounce blender and am getting to work on my leafy greens and stock of frozen fruit from the summer. My new niece and nephew are so cute and delightful. Mike has been so accommodating and nurturing, and I'm so thankful to have him as a partner. We told Mike's parents the night before we left Michigan about the little Poppy Seed, and they were so excited. They just kept saying, "we are so blessed. So blessed." OH! And we've taken to calling the Other In My Body by her (its?) size last week - Poppy Seed.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-18924966713182305362013-01-21T16:27:00.001-08:002013-01-21T16:27:26.553-08:00Early incubationSpending the first few days of getting to know your pregnant body while at your in-laws in another state - AND while your partner is sick with the flu - is so miserable. I'm cold and tired and want my bed and want to stop making up excuses for why I'm not drinking that glass of wine. I intend to spend the rest of the evening crying over a pot of lentil soup and listening to podcasts. (For a similar experience, read the story <i>Tear Soup</i> from Arnold Lobel's "Owl at Home".)Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-2961957507894308072013-01-20T18:20:00.000-08:002013-01-20T18:20:51.851-08:00One Year Awesomer11-05-12 Today is my birthday! 31 years of awesome.<br />
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I love, love, love celebrating my birthday. We had an amazing party on Saturday (one party to rule them all!), and I've nearly finished our Party Project.<br />
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And now, without further ado, list number one - 31 People I'm Thankful For (not ranked):<br />
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<ol>
<li>Mi esposo/mi amor/the rev/Mike</li>
<li>Rachie B.</li>
<li>My sister-in-law, Colleen</li>
<li>Mike's parents</li>
<li>Mike's grandparents</li>
<li>Alicia-b-married</li>
<li>Amanda</li>
<li>My new boss, Nancy, who is awesome!</li>
<li>My former boss, Michael, who taught me so much, and helped me to refine my accounting and problem solving skills</li>
<li>Vance</li>
<li>My parents</li>
<li>Todd & Angie (even though it's awkward) for teaching me to sing from my stomach</li>
<li>Crystal & Geoff, because they heard me</li>
<li>Nancy H., who might possibly be the most generous person I know</li>
<li>My siblings, in all of their complexity</li>
<li>Lalita, who creates beautiful things for the people in her life. Creative and amazing.</li>
<li>Cynthia and her husband, Michael, who laugh harder than anyone I know. I'm going to do more of that.</li>
<li>Angie and Marion, who fed us and fixed our house</li>
<li>Sue and Joe, who shared their kitchen and gave me wine when they weren't supposed to</li>
<li>Nickaela, because her stubbornness and intelligence are so inspiring</li>
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1-20-13<br />
Update: life got crazy around the birthday time, and I (clearly) never finished the list. Well, here's to embracing life's imperfections: My incomplete list!</div>
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Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-44043087567174721252013-01-20T18:18:00.001-08:002013-01-20T18:18:39.643-08:00DiscoveriesThree days ago I confirmed something that I'd suspected for the last couple of weeks - I'm pregnant.<br />
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It's so strange to type the words. Even when I told Mike that morning I danced around the issue, sort of describing the situation instead of just proclaiming those two words.<br />
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The issue is that we <i>have </i>been talking about this regularly for the past few months, especially with passing the half-way mark at school and leaping into my early 30s last year. Our plan was to start trying in the summer, which would allow me to finish the program, and give us time to save, and plan, and have a few last hurrahs. Well, New Year's Day was a fabulous day. We woke up from a terrific night out with friends, made a delicious breakfast to share with even more friends, and once the house was empty we had some awesome sex. Awesome. Seriously.<br />
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Something had nagged at me toward the end of that day, and in checking my fertility calculator that we've been using as pretty effective birth control for the last year-and-a-half, I found that I was right at the beginning of my "fertile period". Shit.<br />
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I've waited and waited the past two weeks, wondering if any unusual feelings were signs of pregnancy, trying not to drink, telling myself that getting my period is okay. Friday morning was the day before I should have started my period, and I hadn't slept at all the night before. My sister-in-law had been up all night with crying twin newborns, and my nerves were shot. Getting up around 7, I peed on the pregnancy test I'd brought with me (stashed conveniently with my tampons) and immediately got the two red lines.<br />
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Two red lines. !!!!!!!<br />
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Everyone in the house was asleep, so I washed the dishes, tidied the baby blankets, collected bottles, and paced around the house. I tried reading. I gave in and sat on the bed next to Mike, fully dressed, until he woke up. I said something along the lines of, "remember New Year's? And how we had really great sex? And didn't think to use a condom? Well, I just took a pregnancy test and it had two lines. Which mean that... most likely.... there's a new thing growing inside of me."<br />
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Why couldn't I just say the words? In short, I'm worried that this won't stick. My Mom and aunt had difficulties with conceiving and multiple miscarriages, and Mike's sister had some infertility issues, as well. What if I miscarry? What if I miscarry really late in the pregnancy? How do people handle the HUGE WEIGHT of growing a life inside of you that you can't absolutely protect?<br />
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On top of that, based on the date of conception, I'm due at the end of September, which is one month into my final term at school, when I'll be intensely working on my capstone group project. I don't know what I'm going to do! If I were due during the break I could see working this out while on maternity leave, but I can't see myself pulling this off. And it's expensive. And I'm afraid my classmates will not want to work in a group with me because of it. <br />
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We're going to have to really tighten our belts over the next several months in order to afford the hospital bills, the leave from work, and the baby supplies. I won't be able to take any vacation for the next year, which means cancelling our trip to Michigan for the grandparents' 60th anniversary celebration. I'm afraid of the changes in my body, and that I'll never be able to lose the weight gained. I'm worried that I'll have a terrible, painful delivery. I'm worried that we aren't ready. (Whoa. This is so much worry!)<br />
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Allllllll of that said, I've prayed about this a lot. By myself, and with Mike. In spite of all the worries laid out, I feel surprisingly calm and not anxious. I know that we can work the details out, and that if I miscarry at any point it will somehow be okay... in time. I can find a way to work things out with school, because I know that students in this program before me have pulled it off. I've looked at a few blogs and photos of friends who are pregnant or have new infants and keep reminding myself that This Is Good. I remember that I have years of experience with newborns and young children, and am confident that Mike and I will be excellent parents, and that we really will have so much fun. I know that Mike is my favorite person, my supportive partner, and life-long companion. We will figure this out together, and will have the support of family, friends, and church members. It's going to be okay.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-8432820435715467662012-10-30T19:41:00.002-07:002012-10-30T19:51:58.276-07:00UpdateI've decided to call my husband Reverend Sexy Pants. (Hopefully this also not the title of a porno.)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3iEYv3q1ATV8S-BoDSLdE4neEsZkUpI2Pm5lhgLmLUtV2Dr_YVqnKKtZkeaH_YgYyUnByXiDGkZhNpZEvzqUXx1siI-rYomaxJkLMmkhySIfesFF9xY5dE4RwUa1NDpORf7LRZqbjiIY/s1600/love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3iEYv3q1ATV8S-BoDSLdE4neEsZkUpI2Pm5lhgLmLUtV2Dr_YVqnKKtZkeaH_YgYyUnByXiDGkZhNpZEvzqUXx1siI-rYomaxJkLMmkhySIfesFF9xY5dE4RwUa1NDpORf7LRZqbjiIY/s320/love.jpg" width="142" /></a></div>
<br />Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-33994891122893787252012-10-29T17:00:00.001-07:002012-10-30T19:54:13.924-07:00The changes wash over me like wavesQuite often this weekend I've found myself thinking, "oh yeah? If that's how I'm supposed to feel God is gonna have to change my mind himself." I'm feeling quite stubborn, even though the multitude of "pastor's wife" comments generally encouraging.<br />
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I'm excited for my partner. A man who has my back more than <i>anyone</i> ever has. He's worked so hard to get to this point, to finally be at a place where the denomination will permit him to raise his hands above waist level when blessing the congregation (WTF?). I cried, I beamed - he beamed - his grandpa cried - Rachie B. cried. It was all so emotional.<br />
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And now it's the day after! I'm sitting at my desk at the end of the work day, wondering how this will change our lives. I'm scared that expectations of me will change, that Mike will be expected to drop all boundaries, and that Ministry will become the mistress of our family. Anyway, more on that some other time. Because, really? This is freaking awesome. And we are fucking blessed.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgCIDz3-H2wkGad7QT6jBnFmHTeFMRom6CbgFfa57SaL9BlyEmu6krJ8Qnfl9Czg1irz11rZXiuT-KR5ZOBi3zQdtEW8zws0xlomUO3Wme5NClQTYS-rP_agk_PQHbGPcWVOjGdaobe7c/s1600/ordained+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgCIDz3-H2wkGad7QT6jBnFmHTeFMRom6CbgFfa57SaL9BlyEmu6krJ8Qnfl9Czg1irz11rZXiuT-KR5ZOBi3zQdtEW8zws0xlomUO3Wme5NClQTYS-rP_agk_PQHbGPcWVOjGdaobe7c/s400/ordained+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-75039645893515650852012-10-24T12:07:00.000-07:002012-10-24T12:07:13.079-07:00Freaky Friday (well, Wednesday)The strangest thing has happened over the last few months...<br />
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I've become a sports fan. <br />
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Not quite bona fide, but I'm hanging in there. I even just looked at ESPN to check on the Tigers' recent wins, and watched Moneyball - AND LIKED IT! I don't know what's happening to me.<br />
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It must have been the stroll through the original Tigers' field back in August. I have instax evidence! Mike fake pitched, I fake caught, and we all ran around the bases with bellies full of the world's best barbecue. Marriage does strange things to a girl.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-16202461879752172422012-09-27T20:04:00.000-07:002012-09-27T20:04:18.134-07:00New HomeWe're moved in!<br />
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It's officially been a whole week since Mike and I got the keys to the new house. That we own (us, and the bank, I mean). We had a whole 48 hours to pack everything up, go to work, move our whole life with two station wagons and a truck and clean the apartment - and we did it!<br />
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The house feels so big and empty sometimes. I've been so used to living with neighbors or roommates within 10 feet of my living spaces that this much square footage is overwhelming. What do we even do with THREE bedrooms?? And a basement? (People tell me to have babies. Or get a dog.)<br />
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Having all of our stuff scattered around the house in boxes has been putting me on edge - just enough that I haven't been sleeping deeply, and I have this baseline irritation whenever I'm home. An IKEA trip yielded curtains for all of the windows, and I think that once we have our bed off the floor and have moved some stuff into closets I'll start to feel better.<br />
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In the meantime -!!!<br />
Some photos of days past:<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/vivalime/8031455769/" title="Cheeky by ginger limeade, on Flickr"><img alt="Cheeky" height="320" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8458/8031455769_dac70442e8_n.jpg" width="215" /></a>
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The brother<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/vivalime/8031453461/" title="Me! by ginger limeade, on Flickr"><img alt="Me!" height="214" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8459/8031453461_628079b394_n.jpg" width="320" /></a>
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Jumping through the beach<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/vivalime/8031449898/" title="Green by ginger limeade, on Flickr"><img alt="Green" height="320" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8038/8031449898_c507aaa432_n.jpg" width="214" /></a>
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The colors of Oregon<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/vivalime/8031446616/" title="Dinner by ginger limeade, on Flickr"><img alt="Dinner" height="214" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8042/8031446616_335458dd62_n.jpg" width="320" /></a>
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Prep for dinner<br />
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Life is good. I'm looking forward to getting out in this autumn and putting some of it to film. Much love!Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-12343804167122104632012-09-18T11:56:00.001-07:002012-09-18T11:56:22.070-07:00Success!After much sighing and teeth grinding, we're closing on the home today!!! Half the house is packed up. So much to do yet, but I'm SO GLAD to have made it to this point.<br />
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Today is excellent.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-2973642321421467822012-09-16T09:18:00.000-07:002012-09-16T09:18:04.167-07:00Distracted!Oh, my - it has been too long!<br />
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So much has been going on these last two weeks. While I <i>did</i>, in fact, develop photos and download the digitals to process and present, life went a little bit bonkers and so much fell to the wayside.<br />
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We just got back from five days in New Orleans, where I had a conference to attend for work, and Mike wandered around and enjoyed himself. Actually, we both enjoyed ourselves. We had the weekend to explore, hear music, eat food, drink too much booze, and walk until our legs ached. Photos, soon, promise.<br />
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Flying back to Portland on Wednesday night, we had a full day to unpack and reorganize before beginning the process of CLOSING ON THE HOUSE! It's not totally done yet, but we've signed a million signatures, handed over the contents of our savings account, and are now waiting patiently for everything else that needs to happen. Technically, we were supposed to have closed already, and should have spent this weekend moving, but it will all work out. (Because it has to.)<br />
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Mike is going through the rather intense last few steps of becoming ordained this month. This morning he leads the service at church, preaches, and is evaluated. He's nervous and I'm having sympathy nerves, and I'm praying to the baby Jesus that this morning will go smoothly. <br />
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I'll be back with photos, and a new drinking game. Soon, puppies. Soon.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-60393495713659884782012-09-03T21:07:00.000-07:002012-09-03T21:07:05.044-07:00Belaboring a PointOkay! The news is that I while I DID succeeded in developing my film photos ($30!) and downloading the digital to my computer, I haven't made them ready for public display. In the meantime, I'd like to report that my brother and his fiance stopped by yesterday evening to play board games. Specifically, a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Space-Hulk-60-SH-00-Board-Game/dp/B002O1IYFG" target="_blank">$300 board game</a> that is all kinds of threatening-to-paint-Christmas-sweaters-on-the-genestealers fun.<br />
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As we transitioned from geek games to Jenga, my brother casually mentioned a certain 80-year-old woman who had restored a painting with the end result being "something like Picasso." Well, I'm out of the loop when it comes to interwebs trends, and had heard nothing about this fiasco. He pulled up the image, and oh - goodness - this looks <i>nothing</i> like Picasso.<br />
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Oh, no.<br />
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<a href="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/online/2012/8/22/1345647849262/Ecce-Homo-by-Elias-Garcia-006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/online/2012/8/22/1345647849262/Ecce-Homo-by-Elias-Garcia-006.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Someone had coined the description "Paranoid Bear Jesus", and I freaking LOVE IT. Laughing brought me to tears, and all I could whisper was, <i>I get it, Paranoid Bear Jesus! I have anxiety, too! (Seriously! I cried through church this morning while sitting alone in the back pew!)</i></div>
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Of course you've heard about it already. In case you haven't, though, this is <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/aug/23/great-art-restoration-disasters" target="_blank">an interesting place to start</a>. Peace.</div>
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Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-56657190089793558902012-08-27T21:19:00.000-07:002012-08-27T21:19:09.101-07:00The Return from MichiganderHello!<br />
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I'm counting this day as my true return from vacation. Unfortunately. It was the real deal - alarm clock at the early hour, hurried breakfast, drive/walk commute, and 150+ emails at work. (My heart hurt to see the signs of autumn looming this morning, too; darker skies, cooler temperatures, leaves with more-than-a-twinge of orange and red...... and a back to school email from my program.)<br />
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Vacation was great! My first time to Michigan in the summer. We camped for five days, spent a day in Detroit at a baseball game, visited with family, played phone tag with our lender, and tried to find some time for taking it easy.<br />
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Highlights: avoiding computers, sunshine, sand dunes, sister-in-law pregnant belly, TWO birthdays, wine tasting, and making out to the sunset.<br />
Lowlights (I'm sorry, I just have to get it out): no sex because family was ALWAYS around, sleepless nights that made some days groggy and overwhelming, and flying home alone. <br />
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Mike stayed on in Michigan for a few extra days to do a fantasy football draft with his long-time and much-beloved friends, and to take care of some loose ends in the GR. I've been home by myself since Friday, and will get to spend next weekend with an empty house, too. The theme of this blog, Dear Reader, is a close three way tie between "buying houses is hard and stressful!", "Mike is awesome and I love him so much (and I have pictures!)", or "I'm damn sick of spending the summer home alone". Meh.<br />
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At any rate, I have nearly 250 digital photos, and close to 40 film shots to go through over the next few days. I'll surely have some happy to process, as well! Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-61120567539462017642012-08-07T23:16:00.002-07:002012-08-07T23:16:21.510-07:00Not Chaos!Well, that's a little bit of a lie. Chaos, kind of. Actually.<br />
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I just got a call from the owner of a cute B&B in New Orleans where I'll be attending a conference on community foundations in September. He was very frantic, wondering whether I was still planning to arrive tomorrow. <i>Tomorrow</i>. I had to listen to his message twice to be sure that I'd heard it correctly.<br />
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Ack! So sorry! Unfortunately, with the time difference I wasn't able to get a hold of him, and I hope that he hasn't lost any money because of my lack of attention. (Boo.)<br />
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We're making progress on buying a house! <br />
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Buying! A! House!<br />
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This all feels too grown up, and I'm still half-convinced that it will all fall through, that we'll be out $900 worth of home inspections, and that we'll just have to keep putting up with the landlord's lameness. (In the chance that it DOES all work out, however, I've spent plenty of time on Craig's List and Ikea, nailing down the details.)<br />
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********sigh********* Time for a beer.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-55112406402651949512012-07-23T17:56:00.000-07:002012-07-23T21:43:10.371-07:00One Year MarriedToday Mike and I celebrate our first anniversary. Hooray for us! Year one of life partnering.
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/vivalime/6142656797/" title="love-561 by ginger limeade, on Flickr"><img alt="love-561" height="333" src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6166/6142656797_8065d70830.jpg" width="500" /></a><br />
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Since we're saving up our pennies for a home, tuition, and flying back to Michigan, we decided to party indoors rather than spending a week out of town. I was in charge of last night's surprise date, and served up an <a href="http://marjorietaylor.typepad.com/my_weblog/2011/07/summer-at-the-cooks-atelier.html">heirloom tomato salad</a>, <a href="http://peppercornsinmypocket.blogspot.com/2011/10/another-cook-another-time.html" target="_blank">potato tikis</a>, and <a href="http://www.designsponge.com/2012/07/in-the-kitchen-with-smoke-pickles-whole-roasted-fish.html" target="_blank">smoked trout</a>. (The trout ended up being just grilled, since I didn't let the wood chips get smokey on the grill. They were still delicious with their beady little eyes!)<br />
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The cake that I'd planned on making remained unmade, the long-saved wine from our dating days was fizzy, and I filled - FILLED! - the kitchen with dishes. Altogether, it was a wonderful, wonderful evening. It felt like a love holiday.<br />
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Tonight Mike is hosting a surprise date. He's picked me up for work, and now has whisked me off to the bedroom with some snacks while he finishes up dinner.<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/vivalime/7411583784/" title="Esposo by ginger limeade, on Flickr"><img alt="Esposo" height="335" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7253/7411583784_c4e0eb8278.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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He's a dreamy one. I can' t believe it's been a year already! And yes, Love, we still can call ourselves Newleyweds. We've got at least two more years for that.<br />
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Update:<br />
Mike D. - having just made me a delicious recreation of our steak and lobster honeymoon dinner - is now finishing up the frosting on a German Chocolate Cake. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the good life.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-3832371101554721332012-07-18T21:00:00.000-07:002012-07-18T21:00:44.923-07:00News! And news!This morning I woke up to this:<br />
Google had release a <a href="http://maps.google.com/intl/en/help/maps/streetview/gallery.html#%21/antarctica" target="_blank">street view</a> of Antarctica. I was enchanted. A few years ago I had heard a story on NPR about a woman who had lived at the McMurdo station cleaning the scientists' rooms. The whole story was so dreamy and surreal, and I wanted to go to there. While in New Zealand a couple of years later, I met an American guy who had just returned from six months there with $10k in the bank, and I REALLY wanted to go to there. Alas - it didn't happen. (But it still could.)<br />
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And then there was this guy! He saw the Northern Lights, in my part of the world! The world is full of miracles (like magnets).
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/45819280" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="400"></iframe>
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Also, it's just a few days till our wedding anniversary. The first one! I'm going to make a mini version of our wedding cake. We should probably have some other plans, but with school and Monday night celebrating, we might keep it kind of tame.<br />
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ALSO! We now have a realtor, and are pre-approved for a home loan. The house hunting begins in earnest this weekend! La la la.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-37675856981900783732012-07-15T16:16:00.002-07:002012-07-15T16:16:18.721-07:00GrinchyOur landlord is such a slacker! We went through four refrigerators in our first six months of renting because he kept buying mostly-broken used ones, and recently he's refusing to put tar paper on the steps, even though both Mike and I have fallen down them. (Like, actually fallen down them, not just stumbled a little.)<br />
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Today he's over going through the crap he keeps in storage in our basement, and his kids are picking all of our raspberries. I feel so Grinch-like. I WAS going to make a pie today. Now, however, I'm going to read my accounting text while thinking bitter thoughts toward the landlord and his general attitude of negligence.<br />
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In other news, we met with a real estate agent today. He's really great! Mike still needs to have a few questions addressed before going forward with him, but I have a really good feeling. This is so exciting. And tomorrow I meet with a lender! We're scrambling today, hunting down old W-2s and student loan statements. This all feels so grown up! I swear, every day we become more adult-ish.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-27494467352254664732012-07-12T18:48:00.001-07:002012-07-12T18:48:20.358-07:00The shortcutsIt's been hot this week. I pulled out one of my only summer skirts and found that most of the hem had come undone - not enough to just ignore (did that!), and the awkward length made me not want to undo the hem completely.<br />
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AND SO! Out came the stapler. To date, I've used a stapler in place of <i>actual sewing</i> with:<br />
*Curtains<br />
*Dress pants<br />
*....that's pretty much it. I'm sure I used it for half-way crafts through my years child care and community college.<br />
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I thought that one or two would pull it together, but I ended up needing ten. Maybe more? In the end, it would have been faster to just pull my sewing machine out of the closet and be done with it. <br />
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{{{{{{{Mike comes home tomorrow}}}}}}}<br />
Yes.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-8312064119308713322012-07-11T09:45:00.000-07:002012-07-11T09:45:14.827-07:00BrokenHouseHeart (HeartBrokenHouse?)There's one home listed that I've been drooling over for about a month now. Since it didn't sell within the first week, as so many of them are this season, I had thought maybe it was hidden, or undesirable, and would just hang out until we got everything ready to actually SEE it.<br />
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Alas, as of this morning it's listed as sale pending. Frak. Double triple gaaaah!<br />
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This is when I end up typing things into Google like, "how to deal with disappointment when house hunting", and get mediocre-but-somehow-helpful advice. Frown, grimace.<br />
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Getting over it. Remembering that there are other houses out there that will be lovely and cozy and available, and we'll be the overwhelmed homeowners. To the future!Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-72395053832179207702012-07-10T23:17:00.002-07:002012-07-10T23:17:20.555-07:00Home AloneMike is gone this week with the middle schoolers on their week long camp. It's so weird to come back to an empty house, and wake up to an empty bed. I'm sleeping with the hockey stick next to me, just in case.<br />
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While he's gone, I've been working feverishly to contact real estate agents and lenders, getting quotes and information so that we can be ready to explore once he's back in town. I've been dreaming about houses consistently for the last two weeks. Fingers crossed that we'll make wise choices with all of the things that are in motion. Yay! Aaaa! (Also, eeeee!)<br />
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And now, I'm off to try and sleep in my sad, sad bed. I get it, now, what Double En was saying about becoming so accustomed to one's partner. I used to sleep alone every night, no problem. For years! (Nearly 30!) Now, I'm half-way to being a wreck in the morning. Soothe yourself, paranoid brain. G'dnight!Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-33862330495969918262012-06-29T09:57:00.003-07:002012-06-29T10:00:45.242-07:00Small VictoriesA few months ago I interviewed for an amazing job that seemed out of reach. Friends were encouraging, though, and their gentle nudges were just enough to get me to pursue the position. When the interview came, I felt REAL bad. There had been a stomach bug going around my office, and I blamed my bad feelings on that. My nerves were nearly unbearable, and as I sat in the small meeting room with six people carefully observing my responses to their list of questions, I thought I was going to lose it. I felt flushed, light headed. panicky, and extremely nauseous - I even interrupted the interview to tell them that I might have to run into the hall to barf, but hoped that it wouldn't cause them to think less of me.<br />
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While at first I thought it WAS a bug, I started having the same experience in other settings. Both of the following interviews were the same horrific event, but somehow I got the job (whoop!). Then, I found myself having these "episodes" with growing regularity - on the bus, in meetings, at church, out at dinner with friends.<br />
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It was horrible.<br />
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I was scared and angry with myself for being so... wrong. All I wanted to do was stay home or go out with Mike. The two-day board meeting with over 100 people for work was torture, and I began to dread all of the meetings - large and small - that were happening on a regular basis. I stopped taking the bus and walked to work, instead. I stayed home from church, and avoided gatherings. When I thought about the coming months and years I envisioned friendlessness, being a drag on my husband, and having children [someday] that would either a) be neurotic like me, or b) significantly resent my issues.<br />
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Finally, I made an appointment with my old therapist. We talked through some things, and she gave me exercises to do. Nothing crazy or groundbreaking, but just enough for the fear to stop growing.<br />
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This week I pride myself on making some returns to normalcy:<br />
*I had a meeting with a donor, over lunch. A meeting! Over lunch! It was actually enjoyable.<br />
*I spent all day at church with Mike while he preached, and was mentally/emotionally present.<br />
*Yesterday's dentist appointment started off panicky, but I wrangled that beast and got my teeth sparkly.<br />
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It feels good. I am proud. Most importantly, my hope is growing in place of weedy fear.Missihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8437470790355845141.post-56580112079820480892012-06-24T10:50:00.002-07:002012-06-24T10:50:35.048-07:00Anxiety queenMike is preaching twice today! He seems frustrated with himself for not being 130% prepared, but resigned to things falling where they may. While he's pretty mellow, I'm a bundle of nerves. I think I might throw up, and am wondering if I have to sit near the front of the church.<br />
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Oh, gawd...<br />
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I don't know how this man handles me. I'm going to try and keep this on the DL so that Mike can focus on himself, rather than worrying about my state of mind AND his.<br />
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Dear World,<br />
I'm sorry. I hope that my food and laughter manages to make up for these freakouts that I experience so often.<br />
Love, -MissiMissihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07139695917912340165noreply@blogger.com0